April 17, 2014
"What a vicious circle: girls lose confidence, so they quit competing, thereby depriving themselves of one of the best ways to regain it. They leave school crammed full of interesting historical facts and elegant Spanish subjunctives, proud of their ability to study hard and get the best grades, and determined to please. But somewhere between the classroom and the cubicle, the rules change, and they don’t realize it. They slam into a work world that doesn’t reward them for perfect spelling and exquisite manners. The requirements for adult success are different, and their confidence takes a beating."

This article is my life. 

The Confidence Gap,” Katty Kay and Claire Shipman, The Atlantic

(via wilfordlauren)

The older I get the more I find there is very little reward in the work world in being a “good girl” in the sense of not asserting your rights, not claiming your place, not stating when you know you are right for fear you might actually be wrong and then any fallout will be on you and you’ll prove to everyone what you’ve always suspected about yourself because you are a girl or someone will say you are fat or ugly which is related to nothing, always being cooperative, trying to be a team player and not the squeaky wheel, sitting nicely with your hands folded before recess like you did in third grade, etc.

I see over and over men in my profession ascend in part because they assume they deserve it and don’t worry about “how it will look” to claim a spot and not attempt to please every single person in their professional world. Sometimes when I’m doing career planning, I tell myself to “think like a man.” It’s so complicated. Gah.

(via sarazarr)

*nods to everything Sara Zarr is saying*

I’ll never be able to be quiet enough, able to act dumb and smile enough, to please people. It doesn’t work. The fact I ever tried showed I was caught in a trap.

Nowadays it’s different. Of course occasionally this means I turn into Streetfighter Sarah, yelling ‘Yeah? Yeah? Come say that to me again, I’ll bite off your nose and spit it down your throat!’ But on the whole I think it’s better.

Guys are promoted differently as it is, talked about differently, praised more and criticised less. We need to break out of promoting ourselves differently, more diffidently, as if we couldn’t possibly be worthy of attention.

(via sarahreesbrennan)

(via seananmcguire)

April 17, 2014

quincy360:

you know that unexplainable sickish feeling where youre not really sick and you dont really have a headache but you just feel wrong and you cant get comfortable or find something that youre really into but you kinda feel too ill to sleep or eat its like your body saying “i dont know what i want you to do but this isnt it”

I usually read a book when this happens.

(via seananmcguire)

April 16, 2014

danielbpc:

roboboners:

miserability:

what the fuck

if i ever neglect to reblog this assume i’m dead

Itadakimasu

It’s all in the delivery. This guy’s got it down.

(Source: colorfulrussianfireworks, via kyuohki)

April 15, 2014
"Bring consent out of the bedroom. I think part of the reason we have trouble drawing the line “it’s not okay to force someone into sexual activity” is that in many ways, forcing people to do things is part of our culture in general. Cut that shit out of your life. If someone doesn’t want to go to a party, try a new food, get up and dance, make small talk at the lunchtable—that’s their right. Stop the “aww c’mon” and “just this once” and the games where you playfully force someone to play along. Accept that no means no—all the time."

The Pervocracy: Consent culture. (via wickedgirlssavingourselves)

(via seananmcguire)

3:46pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Z_p1Vy1D8E7OK
  
Filed under: oh hell yes 
April 15, 2014
icecooly94:


teacupnosaucer:

whoneedsfeminism:

I need feminism because “Who hired a stripper” shouldn’t be the first thing said to me when I walk into a welding job.

women in trades are treated like such fucking shit. 

NO I’M STILL STUCK ON THIS WHY WOULD ANYONE SAY THIS TO A WOMAN HOLDING A BLOWTORCH


Death wish?

icecooly94:

teacupnosaucer:

whoneedsfeminism:

I need feminism because “Who hired a stripper” shouldn’t be the first thing said to me when I walk into a welding job.

women in trades are treated like such fucking shit. 

NO I’M STILL STUCK ON THIS WHY WOULD ANYONE SAY THIS TO A WOMAN HOLDING A BLOWTORCH

Death wish?

(via seananmcguire)

April 14, 2014
seananmcguire:

Toby Daye, book #8.  Look at my fancy cover!
I’m still a little stunned that we’ve made it this far.  Says the girl with a finished first draft of book #9 on her computer…
Coming this September from DAW Books.

Nowz.   Want buk nowz.   Wai can no haz nowz?

seananmcguire:

Toby Daye, book #8.  Look at my fancy cover!

I’m still a little stunned that we’ve made it this far.  Says the girl with a finished first draft of book #9 on her computer…

Coming this September from DAW Books.

Nowz. Want buk nowz. Wai can no haz nowz?

April 14, 2014
"

Ten Women I Have Been Warned Against Becoming:

1. The Girl Who Takes Up Too Much Space, always, her shoulders too wide in stairwells, her hips too big in doorways, her voice too loud in classes. This woman does not understand the art of crumbling, of curling herself tight like the spiral of a fern, soft, delicate, unwilling to reach out the ivy of her fingers to grasp onto what should rightfully be hers. This is a beast, an elephant, a moving mountain and she is capable of flattening you, she is capable of ruining you, she is capable of making you feel as small and insignificant in her life as she is supposed to be. You are this woman’s footnote to history, you are her side note in song lyrics, you are constantly interrupted by her with a witty joke you wish you thought of. I asked what the problem was with being a steamroller instead of a sunflower and I was laughed down.

2. The Beautiful One, the long hair or the slim waist or the pretty eyes or the lips like bowstrings. This woman looks good in everything because she’s confident in whatever you put her in. She’ll cut her hair short on you no matter how you like it, she’ll wear high heels and step on your opinions, she’ll look hot as hell no matter what size she is. See, the reason you can’t trust her is because women like this don’t need your permission, they’ll do as they please and get away with it. They’ll say no to you, over and over. Teach your daughters that beautiful means dangerous, teach them to distrust women who love themselves. Equate beautiful with vapid, equate pretty with stupid, take their power from them. Say they’re vain for their makeup, refuse to see them without it. These women are snakes, they are serpents. I said maybe the problem lies with you being unable to control yourself and was told to get off my pedestal.

3. A Bitch. Women are supposed to be ladies in the street but will tear skin under sheets. I’m told: Never raise your voice. Speak gently. Submit. Hold your opinion against your lips and when you admit to it, make sure it comes out as a butterfly wing suggestion. Don’t disagree. Don’t undermine someone else’s authority, regardless of whether or not they deserve your respect. Someone touches you, just move away from them. Don’t hit. Don’t talk back. Be like the ruins of Rome, only beautiful if you can’t hear your quiet death.

4. The Needy One. I have heard how others spit when they talk about how she gave you everything and you shoved it back down her throat until she choked on it, until she came back crawling and asked you what she did, until her palms and knees were scraped for want of just a little affection - never be this woman, I’m told, because she’s a joke and the joke is that she dared to have more emotion than you did. The truth is, I’m told, the one who cares less in a partnership is the one who wins. I didn’t know this was a competition.

5. The Cock Tease, certified stripper, how dare that girl look like that and not want me to sleep with her. Lust is always personified as a lady in red with a dress slit up her thigh. Lust is sinful because it’s power, it’s not asking for attention - it’s demanding it. I’m told she is the worst kind of woman, that looking good is supposed to be some kind of shame on her kin. I’m told not to leave the house in such a short skirt, not with a shirt so low, not with a lace back, not with high heels, not dressed like that. My lipstick can’t be too red, my hair can’t be too mussed, I can’t just “turn someone on like that and then leave them wanting.” I mentioned that instant gratification actually ruins our psyche and was told that being led on was “exhausting.” I said that there was a difference between purposefully tricking someone into liking you and just being attractive or friendly. I was told there’s also a difference between coffee and tea but both result in caffeine. I said, “I’ve been turned on in class by the girls I talk to but I didn’t expect anything from them,” and they said, “It’s different, you’re not a man,” but couldn’t explain where that difference was.

6. A Slut, obviously ruined by another person’s touch. It doesn’t matter how many people she’s actually been with, it’s all about the rumors she carries with her. Easy. Harlot. You’ll still try to get with her, you’ll still take her into your bed and kiss her and say things you don’t mean - but you’ll defame her name when you talk to your buddies. My father used to say “A slut is fine for the night, but the virgin is who you take home and marry.” Maybe he didn’t know he was teaching his daughter to hate her sexuality. Maybe he didn’t know that every time she’d be kissed, her whole system would shake until she felt ready to combust, shame and self-hatred shivering against her spine. Maybe he didn’t know she’d disconnect emotions and sex because he always told her, “Boys are different, they won’t care about you.” Nobody said to her that it was okay to experiment. See, the funny thing is, I’m a dancer so I know exactly where my center of gravity is. I know how hard I’ll fall in each direction. Yet out of fear of getting hurt, I won’t let a single person inside of my bed.

7. The Soulmate. Never love romance more than you love being cynical. Never show weakness, never like pink, never think maybe you might find someone nice and settle down with them. Someone will find you, I was told, And if you’re lucky, he’ll put up with you when you start getting old. Never be the woman who believes in happily ever after, never be dumb enough to think maybe someone could love you after all of your mistakes. It has nothing to do with whether or not a family is important to you and you’re in a good place where a relationship would make your life better - you’re not a princess. You don’t get married, you settle.

8. The Girl With Strength, who can outrun everyone and who is stronger than her boyfriend. “See the thing about boys,” says my daddy, “Is that you have to let them win.” I sat at home and read stories about Artemis and wanted to become the huntress, too. I wanted to howl at the moon, I wanted to slay the beasts that bested me, I wanted to rule my kingdom with bloody fists. But girls are never athletes, never supposed to be “built,” regardless of the fact civilizations were constructed on our spines and we made homes in war by the steel of our ribs. Never be strong. We are supposed to wilt.

9. The Lady CEO: because if you choose work over family, are you really a girl? How dare you fight your way to the top through every pair of eyes that bore through your blouse, through every meeting where you were hushed by the sound of someone else talking, through every time someone called you “sweetie,” how dare you yearn for something. Is your husband the stay-at-home one? I can’t imagine how that is going. He’s not a real man, after all. I don’t give it long before the divorce. How dare you decide you’re happy being single. Don’t you know you’re supposed to bear children. Where is your honor? Where is your wisdom? Who cares if you are the leader, the best suited for your position, the quickest-thinking, the one who makes the hardest clients come back again. Don’t you see? Across history, women have been terrible at success. They always lose their man in the end. (When I said, “I would rather be a famous author than a mediocre mother,” I was told, “No, don’t worry, you’ll be a fine mommy.”)

10. THE GIRL I AM: FIRECRACKER AND DON’T YOU FUCKING FORGET IT I’LL RIP YOU TO SHREDS AND I WON’T FUCKING REGRET IT I’M NOT YOUR PRETTY GIRL I’M NOT YOUR ANYTHING I’M PERFECT, MOTHERFUCKER, AND I’M NOT GOING TO GIVE UP WHAT I’M DOING. I DON’T WANT TO BE “LADYLIKE” THAT LITERALLY MEANS NOTHING I’M NOT GOING TO STOP STANDING UP AND DEMANDING WHAT’S COMING TO ME. I’M GONNA BE SOMEBODY. I’M GONNA MAKE THEM REMEMBER ME. I REFUSE TO BE OVERSHADOWED IN HISTORY. I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU WERE TRYING TO CREATE BUT YOU MADE ME A DRAGON YOU PUT ME IN THE FIRE AND WHEN I STOPPED BURNING I LEARNED HOW TO GLOW DON’T THINK YOU CAN STOP ME YOU CAN’T TAME A TORNADO.

"

In respectful response to a poem tilted, “Ten men women have warned me against becoming." /// r.i.d (via inkskinned)

work

(via wintry-mix)

This is absolutely stunning.

(via geekygothgirl)

These are all the women men really want to be worthy of. We’re just afraid you won’t like us; some of us see that as a challenge, but the cowards among us push women down because they don’t feel worthy and are afraid you will notice.

(via geekygothgirl)

April 11, 2014

Gah! Don’t do that! There are billions of civilizations in that jar! You’re killing them!

(Source: -kokoro, via seananmcguire)

April 7, 2014

trekual-innuendos:

Lets have a dystopian future movie where none of the actors are white

Not a single one

No reason

No explanation

There’s just no white people and not a single character questions it

Watch how quickly people notice and get pissed off

The Years of Rice and Salt by Kim Stanley Robinson. It’s an alternate future novel where the black plague is way worse than it was in our line of history, so that Europe is almost completely depopulated and the white population never recovers. Surprisingly hard to read.

(via kyuohki)

April 6, 2014
A glimpse into sexism.

emilyvgordon:

A few days ago, in a hotel in Miami, I had an experience I thought I’d share. This kind of thing certainly doesn’t happen to me every day, and it is not representative of all men, of Miami, or anything else, but it’s just a little tiny glimpse into what it’s like to be a woman sometimes. 

I walked to the front desk at our hotel to ask about printing out a boarding pass. I got in line behind one man, and one woman. As I waited, another guy walked up behind me and also stood in line.

After the first man in line was helped and sent away, the front desk clerk had to move some things around in the office and wasn’t helping any of us for about 30 seconds. In that time, the guy behind me moved up and in front of both myself and the other woman in line. He did it slowly, casually, and deliberately. I raised an eyebrow at him. He then leaned his elbows on the front desk, passing both of us in line. The clerk was still rearranging stuff. 

I said “There’s a line here”, and he rolled his eyes, sighed heavily, and got back behind me. 

Who knows what this guy’s day was like- maybe it was really shitty. You could say that perhaps that woman and I are ghosts. You could say he was in a hurry, but he waited patiently enough while the first person in line was being helped. You could say he had some sort of selective blindness. You could say he decided to take the bull by the horns and didn’t want to wait for the clerk to finish arranging things at the desk, and maybe that is true, but that still makes him an asshole. 

So he’s an asshole regardless, but something about our interaction told me that he’s a person whose entire modus operandi is “let’s see what I can get away with around these broads”. I got a vague sense from him, like I have in other men and women, that women aren’t people, no matter what the media says, but rather things that function on a lower level than men. You see it in guys being overly touchy-feely with women they don’t know. You see it in women who bash each other at work because, Highlander-like, there can be only one! You see it in guys speaking over women in conversations and in meetings. You see it in guys rolling their eyes when women ask questions at stores…. I don’t look at everything with sexism-colored glasses, but it’s hard not to notice patterns. Even if they’re few and far between. 

In this case, it is absolutely my belief that this guy would have just skipped both of us in line if I hadn’t said anything to him. A tiny offense, to be sure, but it’s on a spectrum of behaviors that are pretty gross.

To be a woman, to me, is to constantly be prepared to defend your personhood. It doesn’t mean that everything bad that happens to you is because you’re a woman, and it doesn’t mean that your life isn’t pretty fucking awesome, because it is. I love being a woman. But there are groups of people whose personhood is assumed, and I don’t know if they realize that other people’s personhoods are not. 

Which brings us to an unfortunate part of being a woman: having to tell a motherfucker to get back in line when he assumes he can cut in front of you, when I’d prefer that he just not assume he can cut in front of me. 

Everything else is great though.

Quick note: Please don’t comment and tell me that I’m making assumptions about someone without knowing them. I am aware of this. I understand assumptions, like the assumption that dude made in thinking that he could cut in front of me in line. Nitpicking an example of a known phenomena doesn’t make it any less of a thing. Thanks and good day. 

It would be interesting if there were some way to study this and see how often men do this to other men, women to other women, men to other women, and women to other men. The reason I say this is that I’ve had men do this to me too. It could indeed have been sexist in this particular case, but when I’ve experienced it it’s felt classist. I usually dress down, and it’s usually some asshole in a suit who does it, or someone who’s dressed in rich person casual. And I wouldn’t swear to it, but I’m pretty sure I’ve had women do it to me too, again on a class basis.

A great place to observe this would be in airports, because the way airlines board their airplanes creates a really clear class distinction, and I’ve seen people get into arguments about it, albeit only very occasionally.

(via seananmcguire)

5:13pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Z_p1Vy1CIz4M3
  
Filed under: classism sexism jerks 
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